Hours pass very slowlyuntil I see you
by Sesquipedilism
Summary: Jim's always had a million reasons to stay away from Pam, no matter how much his heart tells him otherwise. He's always had a reason to keep his secret, but what happens when Pam reveals her own secret feelings for Jim?


It's just another day at work, another terrible date on the calendar. Hours pass – very slowly – forcing me to do work to fill the time.  
>Another day at the office, soon to be over, but I can't be too excited about this, because it's all going to start all over again in a few hours time. I go towards my desk, glancing over at the receptionist desk every now and then, hoping to see her, but she's nowhere in sight. Even though it's empty I still look over, hoping to see her magically appearing out of nowhere, sitting there as bored as ever. Michael probably took her out to an afternoon lunch or something; so naturally they'll probably get back at around 6:00pm.<br>Ah well, you can't have everything, I'll just see her tomorrow. I stand up and gather my things, saying goodbye to everyone as they head off home. I'm the last one in the office and I've pretty much got everything I need.

"Hey!" I hear her voice and turn around quickly.

Hey Pam!

I smile at her and she beams back widely.

How was lunch?

"It was ok," she shrugs. "Michael tried to hit on the waitress before realising that her right leg was a prosthetic. Michael couldn't help but point it out to her...we got kicked out." I couldn't help but laugh.

I wish I was there!

"I figured you would," she smiled slyly. "Which is why I have a voice recording of the entire thing." She held up her phone then pressed the play button.

I move towards her, the volume on her phone is turned all the way up, but I still can't hear a thing. My body is so close to hers, I can smell the remnants of her cheap perfume which leaves me intoxicated as always. She moves her body closer to mine as our heads hunch over the phone. I wish I could just hold her, but she's my best friend.

The recording is crackly, but I can still hear all of it. I can hear Michael blatantly asking her if she removes it before having sex. I even hear Pam's faint "Oh my god!" and her face blushes with embarrassment.

This recording is pure gold! Oh Pam you're amazing!

I move my hand to her shoulder and giver her arm a squeeze. I know Roy is the only one who is supposed to do that, but it's just a friendly gesture, it doesn't mean anything...to her at least. I laugh again at the recording.

Pam, its moments like these I'm your friend, why I like you!

She smiles up at me.

"I like you too."

Hey, thanks, Beesly! I'm honoured.

We say things like this to each other all the time. Before and after I told her that I used to like her (well, I told Michael I used to like her, meaning I had to tell her too before he did), because it's true, I do like Pam. She's my best friend and she's already told me that I'm the closest guy friend of hers (excluding Roy of course). Okay, fine, if I was completely honest with myself, maybe I like her more than a friend, but it's okay, we're still comfortable with each other. She's always been my friend and we've always been there for each other, even though it hurts sometimes. I'm there for her when she's having trouble with Roy, and she was there for me during my break up with Katie.

She bites her lip lightly and looks at me weirdly. She puts her phone away in her pocket.

"Um, Jim?"

What?

"I mean it...I like you."

Yeah, I know. And I like you too, you're a great friend.

I said that calmly, even though my stomach tightened. What is she really saying?

"No, Jim, listen carefully..." She shifts her body and raises her head so her lips are right next to my ear. Her voice became soft, almost a whisper.

"I like...you. No, actually. Jim, I... love you."

If that didn't catch me completely off guard nothing will. I'd told her before that I used to like her, and I told her it was ages ago, even though I still do. I told her that nothing had changed between us, because – really – nothing had.  
>She was still engaged and I was still her friend. She understood, and I knew she would and so nothing changed. She still confided in me about what was going on with her and Roy, and when she was feeling upset about his hang ups, and I would put my feelings of jealousy aside and be the best friend I've always been: listening to her carefully and giving her the advice I thought would be best for her, not for me.<p>

I'd never deliberately tried to separate Pam from her fiancé, and I've never tried to seduce her. Okay, so maybe I took her to the roof of the office building where we shared sandwiches, and maybe I do spend a little more time than necessary at her desk, but that just day-to-day friendliness mixed with a little bit of harmless flirting, I've never asked her out or made any serious advances on her, I know she's engaged.  
>I've liked Pam for a long time, but I've been respectful of her own feelings and situation. I'd decided that there was no chance for us, because she doesn't think of me in that way, no matter how much I liked – no, loved - her that was the truth, she had Roy, she had other tastes, so I would just be her best friend. It hurt to think about, but after liking her for so long I think I grew used to the pain.<p>

But now, Pam...likes me? No, they weren't her words. Her words were that she loved me. I'd thought she just liked me as a best friend, I thought she was so excited about getting married to Roy in a few months.

But despite all of these thoughts, my body responds with total relief. I begin to smile and chuckle slightly. My arm is still hanging around her shoulder, it pulls her in closer. My thoughts are going crazy but my body, standing so close to hers, is relishing this moment.

She...loves me? She loves me? She loves me! Pam Beesly loves me!

I love you too, Pam, you know that.

"I love you." She says it again, smiling up at me. "I love you" And again.

Every time she says it I smile wider and pull her tighter. Every doubt I'd had in the past few months- no, years – had dissolved like magic into this moment.

She looks up at me, her deep golden eyes shining brightly, she wraps her one arm around my waist, and the other one reaches up and touches my cheek lightly. Her face is calm, certain, serene while I'm standing in shock, and smiling like an idiot. Her face moves closer to mine. I bend down to make up for the height difference and I close my eyes.

I'd always wondered what her kiss would be like. Of all of the things I'd felt about her, the one thing I'd wanted most – desired even – was her kiss, and soon I would feel it for myself. Her lips are as soft as they look, and her mouth is as gentle as I'd imagined. We pull away after a while, but her face remains close to mine.

"I love you."

I love you too. I've just been waiting for you to do something, or for me to gain the courage. She smiles at this.

"I didn't realise how much..." I silence her by embracing her closer and kissing her cheek. I don't want to talk, I just want her now. She stands on her toes and kisses me lightly on the lips again.

I can't believe this is happening. I want this moment to last forever. I don't care about the fact that we're in the office, and anyone could walk in at any second, claiming to have forgotten something.  
>Things like that are insignificant.<br>All I know is that now, she is in my arms, and she loves me.  
>And that all of the emotional struggles I'd had in the past were over, because she's here now, saying exactly what I've wanted her to say for a long time.<p>

"I love you. But I can't be with you."

What?

I let go of her and stare at her in shock.

Didn't you just say that you loved me?

"I do. I love you, but we can't be together." She starts to turn away. "I have to go home now, see you tomorrow."

She's acting as though she'd never said anything new or out of the ordinary, like it was any old day at the office. Is she seriously just being causal about all of this? All while I'm standing here shell-shocked as to how cool, calm and collected she is with the situation is she really giving me the same goodbyes she would any other day? I chase after her, out of the office and into the corridor. She's not walking any faster than she usually does, but I still find it hard to maintain the pace.

Why?

"Because I'm engaged, because I'm getting married in two months, because I'm moving into a whole new life with Roy, because you're my best friend..."

She continues counting off reasons why we can't be together, but she doesn't need to list them off. I know them all off by heart. All of the reasons Pam gives me are reasons why I never made any serious attempt to date her, why I'd tried to keep my distance.

But this time it's different, it's not me thinking about these things in my head so I can stop myself acting rashly, this is her listing reasons we should stay friends and why we can never be together, even though she kissed me and even though she told me she loved me. Oh god, she loves me, but we can't be together, but why can't we just be together?

Pam moves further and further away from me, so I still chase her. I call for her, but she's ignoring me.

Pam! Pam! Wait! Why can't we be together... just tell me! Please!

I'm in pain and I need to talk to her about this properly.

My alarm goes off. My head snaps up from the pillow. I sigh.

Dammit, I hate mornings.

It was only just a dream, but it was still a cruel one.

It started off as the best dream I'd had, but turned into a nightmare. The incessant sound of my alarm ringing is driving me crazy, but I can't move. I'm still thinking about my dream. It was the most vivid and realistic dream I'd had of her, but it was the most painful.  
>I can't stop thinking about how big my smile was when Pam told me she loved me. I can't help but remember the softness of her voice.<br>I can't help but recall our embrace, and her exquisite kiss.

That kiss, the one I've thought about for so long, still non-existent. I can't help but frown when I think about her walking away, telling me that she loves me but we can't be together, and how he remained so composed about it all while I was left standing alone, my heart being squeezed and played with.

Pam loves me, but only in my dreams.

I stand up and turn that goddamn alarm clock off. I wish I didn't have to see her today after that dream, when I see her I might manage to convince myself it was real and confront her about it.  
>I wish I didn't see her. But of course, if I don't see her then I'll be left with an even worse problem, I won't see Pam.<br>Dammit. I don't want to see her but I have to, because it's Pam Beesly, the one person who lights up my day without fail. Thanks a lot heart.

I walk into the office from my car and head over to my desk. She's there, at reception which is only a couple of feet away from my area.

"Hey Jim," she smiles brightly in my direction.

"Hey there Beesly," I return the smile and drop my bag near my chair, like I usually do, but god I can't stop replaying the dream in my head over and over again.

"_Listen carefully...I...love...you."  
>I smile.<br>We kiss.  
>"I can't be with you."<br>"Why?" _

"How are you today?"

She shrugs. "I'm okay, looking forward to Casino Night tonight." Her smile becomes mischievous. "Ready to get cleaned out?"

I shirk my head and look at her, feigning cautiousness. "Is that a threat, Beesly?"

Her voice becomes serious, even with a big grin on her face, like the one she had when she pulled out her phone in the dream. "Most definitely...Halpert."

"_Listen carefully...I...love...you."  
>I smile.<br>We kiss.  
>"I can't be with you."<br>"Why?" _

I manage to keep the conversation casual while my stomach twists with uncertainty and awkwardness and my mind begs for her to stand up, walk over to me and kiss me like in the dream.

"_Listen carefully...I...love...you."  
>I smile.<br>We kiss. _

She doesn't detect any angst in my voice, because there is none, because I've perfected this skill so well. A dream is just a dream, and in real life she doesn't love me in any way. That's something that I'll just have to accept... for the millionth time in as many years.

"_I can't be with you."_

The day goes on and the thoughts get worse. Every now and then I glance up at Pam and see her face smiling up at me, telling me that she loves me. I feel her hand around my waist, pulling me closer, but in reality I see her brush her hair back, flashing her engagement ring, taunting me.

I can't just accept this. I just can't.

* * *

><p><strong>Sorry if Jim's dialogue in the dream sequence was a little hard to follow, but hey, it's my story I set it out how I want! <strong>

**This is my first publication in a really long time guys, so please review and tell me what you think! **


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